That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion.
Speaking of religion. Ooooph.
I have a policy about my online presence, and that is to avoid creating or interacting with content related to politics or religion. I have never heard anyone say, “I used to think this way, but I saw this post online and now I’ve changed my mind.” It’s fruitless to share about these topics because ~80% of communication is nonverbal, and with simple text on a screen that 80% is 100% lost. It’s also destructive because deeply held beliefs… people will go to their graves for them. And I’m not trying to be in a grave because of someone’s reaction to my beliefs.
But I can’t not create this post, because this topic is one of the biggest plot lines of my life, and of my becoming SAGRADOSE. So I’ll try keep this factual and brief. Those who know me understand my journey, and that has weight.
I was born into a church-going, twice on Sunday’s, once on Wednesday’s family. The denomination, Nazarene. In that era, the church was doubling down on holiness, on saving the world that was going to hell in a hand basket that was already drenched in fuel. The fuel was political and economic upheaval around the world. It was racism–so ugly I struggled to reserve my American pride when I learned of it. People turned to sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. Troubling characters and events, like Charles Manson and the Vietnam War, were not far enough in the rearview mirror to be forgotten.
I could write a short book on my issues with the Nazarene denomination. The sum would be that, at least at that time, they had a manual of rules on top of the Bible. Things like, no swimming in public with members of the opposite sex, no to playing cards, dancing, going to movies, listening to “secular” music, and on, and on, and on. The emphasis, in the eyes of a young person, was on all that you shall not do.
What could we do? Hang out with our church friends. And eat. Sugar, a known killer, was certainly welcome. Somehow. Whatever.
I know that I know my parents, in their simplicity and ignorance, were making the choices for how to raise my sisters and I based on their beliefs and guidance from the church. I don’t blame them. I just wish they were curious enough to ask a few simple questions. But those questions, I later learned, would’ve meant dismissal from the church.
And that, that right there is my entire issue with any of the Abrahamic (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) religions. All of them derive from the same story. All of them declare with 1000% certainty that their way is the way, and all other people will not enjoy eternal security.
Really?
I finally (much too late in life) drew the line and walked away from all of it. I will not listen to any person, especially a white male, whose income depends on me believing what he’s shoving. I know there are legions of “pastors” who, deep down inside do not believe what they are selling. But they have no other skill and no other means to feed their family. To show the slightest doubt or curiosity would lead to financial ruin.
It’s sick. Gross. I hate that not many people can see this.
I do not believe that the Source of all of Creation would devise a plan, give it to one person to carry out, and the only hope for all other humans on this vast planet is to somehow discover that person and plan before they die. Bullshit.
The key word is “believe.” Facts can and must be proven to be called such. Beliefs cannot be proven. But the Christians I tend to slide away from the fastest speak and act as if their beliefs are facts. Bullshit.
Christianity taught me how to judge people. How to judge myself. How to think that anything good that happens in my life is because of something outside of me, but anything bad was my fault. Bullshit.
I have tremendous respect for the scriptures. It is a miracle that the scriptures endured through some crazy history. But a major part of the reason why it endured is because the biggest, wealthiest and most populated empires in the last 4000 years of human history chose to embrace Christianity for economical and political reasons.
Jesus was Jewish. He didn’t come to start a new religion. Read his words. Carefully. He and many around him believed that he was the messiah… for Israel. Nothing about that says, “I’m here to start a new thing and thereby separate the people that my father sent me to save.” It’s not difficult to see, but it’s rarely presented as such from behind a pulpit.
Finally, it is one thing to make a decision, as an adult, for yourself to get “saved” and baptised in the name of one of these religions. To be born into a religion like this, though… is job security for therapists and psychiatrists. For a human’s formative years to be spent in that environment is to create deep grooves of hatred toward others, judgment of self and others, and the spirit of “I’ll never be good enough.” The 60’s, 70’s and 80’s produced a shit ton of people, entire generations that will never fully untangle from the damage done by people misinterpreting the Bible in the name of Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Mohammed… You cannot know these things. You can believe. And at this point, you can believe and keep it to your self.
All of this to say, yeah, religion is a big part of my story, and while it would be convenient to ignore, to tell my full, true story… I can’t.
I guess this is the brief version. Trust that it’ll be mentioned in many, if not most of the posts to come.
Face to face, human to human, heart to heart. Only in that context will I consider a conversation about this topic. All of the people in the room, including myself, would have to display an open mind and heart. Otherwise, let’s call the above my opinion and move on.
Peace.
